I suffer alone
I suffer in silence
Not enough presence
not enough presence
i’m gone
i’m away
i’m thinking and restless
i’m far
I can’t stay in one spot
but i haven’t moved
the walls are the same but this isn’t a prison
I’m gasping
and trembling
I’m done, i’m finished
and not even started
I’m here but I can’t find me
I’m looking for everybody
I can find them
but there’s yet a glass to be punctured between us
I can see them
they can see me
but no one is touching anyone
at least not me
where are my three hugs a day
should I panhandle at the streets
my eyes are grey, they’re blank,
dry rock powder in my veins
not even pumping
i breathe and the air turns stale
my brain feels funny, like it’s swelled with emptiness
I’l grab a scooter and step on it
flee at full speed until it’s dark and I can’t see where the road is
probably will get me somewhere
but there I’ll still have to meet this feeling
I could chop it off
yet die
not about that
not suicidal
just drained
lost
wondering how and when the earth was thus displaced
right under my feet
I was just standing
how could I let it
shake me out of me
I’ll tip myself both ways and hear the rain
then maybe I’ll come back to where I haven’t left
sigh is the air i forgot I inhaled
when I lost ‘here’