Most of us categorize people in ‘attractive’ and ‘unattractive’. At some point in my life, though, I started questioning that shallow attittude in myself. In high school, a friend came to me surprised, confused and mockingly told me about this other girl who she had heard say that she spent hours in front of the mirror practicing hairstyles and looking pretty, and that her MSN nickname said “Physical appearance isn’t everything, it’s the only thing”. Whoa there, lady. Like the woman in that buddhist tale, who ended up making shapes in the mirror for a living. Looking prretty for a living. Aesthetically pleasing as a way of life, as life’s purpose. It makes less and less sense to me as live goes by.

I went to a Backstreet Boys concert  a few years ago. Back when Millenium was out and I was a pree-teen at the peak of my hormones, and the Backstreet Boys were at their boom I fancied Brian because of his voice, I thought A.J. was the epitome of bad boy naughtiness, and officially chose Kevin as ‘my Backstreet Boy’ among my group of friends. We all chose one and basically, as a silent agreement, we were only to gush about and swoon over our chosen Backstreet Boy. Fast forward to 2011. I had long since gotten over my crush on Kevin, and had moved on to thinking Nick was pretty attractive in looks and personality. Still, I just didn’t have a favorite Backstreet Boy; I was now just in fangirl mode for the whole group.

At the concert, I screamed my lungs out, jumped and waved like crazy and Brian mockingly waved back (I swear he was waving at me, that’s how crazy I must’ve looked that I caught his attention; it’s like he was making fun of the way I was flailing my long, noodly arms with a crazy face, looking right in my direction), Nick jumped off stage and a fan mauled his face with her tongue (we all went berserk), and at some point during the event I just compared their current selves with the boy band members I’d burned many hormones over years back, and noticed that I saw them as people now, and that I now was drawn to a member I had never had an interest in before: Howie D. I told one of my friends “I love how Howie is with the fans, look at him stooping down at the edge of the stage to touch hands, that’s so sweet! I love how closes the breach between us and them, I love it”, to which my friend responded “Yeah, I don’t like that he’s so accessible, because it makes me lose interest. I’m more attracted to Nick, who seems unreachable (this was before he jumped off stage and sucked face with a fan), like many other celebrities.”

At that point I was like “Wow. She might be right. How stupid of me to lay eyes on someone so nice. Probably her way is cooler. I feel so stupid .” But I wasn’t stupid, I just didn’t love myself enough to realize I had very valid reasons for my likes, and my way denoted more maturity. I was looking at human qualities in a celebrity, and she was looking on the surface, at the status. Who cares? I have a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch and every time I fantasize about having an encounter with him, I picture myself treating him like an equal, like a human, no boosting of his ego, not behaving like he’s a god, just treating him like a person, and in my fantasy, he appreciates me for that.

I can get my head turned by a good-looking guy as much as the next girl. But sexy doesn’t impress me. Smart impresses me, strength of character impresses me. But most of all, I am impressed by kindness. Kindness, I think, comes from learning hard lessons well, from falling and picking yourself up. It comes from surviving failure and loss. It implies an understanding of the human condition, forgives its many flaws and quirks. When I see that in someone, it fills me with admiration.”
― Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies

Pretty looks make me drool and gape like an ape if I’m caught off guard, yes. But ultimately, for me, Kiara ways 1000x more beautiful to me than Kristin on ANTM Cycle 19. Why? Because Kiara had inner beauty as well as a smoking hot physique. Inner beauty only makes people more beautiful on the outside. Why would anybody put all their eggs on their physical appearance basket? If we all put value on outer beauty over inner beauty, sooner or later, we are gonna lose.

fades away

Now I’m confident that if I ever met the Backstreet Boys at an H&M in a city where they’re touring, presented with the choice, I would walk up to Howie first. He constantly shows his sweet personality in songs, videos, concerts, promotional tours, etc., and I think that’s what charm is really about. Kindness, openness, genuinity, caring, is what makes a person attractive. You might receive a lot of attention for having a pretty face today, but if you ain’t got inner beauty, what have you got? The spell of a pretty face doesn’t last forever, and it won’t take you out of every uncomfortable situation, nor get you into every good situation, either. Being kind, being helpful, being caring, is what’s gonna help you move forward in the world. And let alone the world, it will just make you a better person.

Hoping more and more people learn that inner beauty crushes outer beauty like rock over scissors,

have a nice day.

Ale