I recently read a great post about what anger is all about. It said that when we get angry, we get a feeling of ‘you owe me’. You owe me respect in front of my classmates. You owe me happiness in 6th grade. You owe me liking me back. You owe me being there for me when I needed you. YOU OWE ME.
It’s just like keeping score in a big, fat book of debt, which no one can ever repay you. Because the moment is gone, because the damage is done, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. So really, you’re just holding on to the idea that someone needs to pay you back for the damage they did, or for something that they failed in giving to you, and yet, there really is no way the debt can be paid. It’s impossible.
The article then proceeded to suggest a method to let go of this anger, or ‘cancel the debt’, and I decided to give it a shot.
See, I have been an angry little popsicle since I can remember, and lemme tell ya, I am sick of it! Every therapist I’ve encountered has told me “I notice there’s a lot of anger in you”, and every time, I just answered “…yeah, I don’t know why.” Can you imagine living every single day feeling like a cold bottle filled with white hot anger? It’s a trip, and a very ugly one. This is why I have just recently embarked on a journey, taking all of my problems with me on this raft into the blue sea of introspection and self discovery, with the conscious intention of facing them, resolving them, and letting them go.
This is how I’m helping myself to let go of the angry resentment. I modified the method from the original post, in a way that I felt would work better for me:
- Go pour yourself a big glass of water and place it near you.
- Make a list of all the people you’re angry at. Every single person that you can’t ever think of without feeling a pang of irritation. It might seem ridiculous, but I’ve been holding grudges for more than 10 years (wouldn’t you think that’s about enough? just filling myself up with venom).
- Next to every name, write down what they owe you. Your reputation? Your childhood? Your pride? Your happiness? An explanation? Their presence? Their support? Your time? Their sympathy? What do they owe you? Be as specific as you can, give all the details. This will be a difficult process, but just know that it’s all for your own healing.
- Now really take a look at the names of all those people who did things that hurt you. Feel that pain. Are you angry again? Do you feel that grudge releasing the poison inside of you? Are you sick of it now? Are you ready to let it go?
- Choose one debt to let go of, that is, choose a name and the hurtful/infuriating situation(s) that it’s connected to. Have it ready in your mind to press play.
- Go to this link: Brad Yates is an excellent EFT guide. All you need to do right now is take a gulp of water and play both the video and your memory. Do what he does, repeat what he says, while concentrating on that name and situation(s). If you’re concentrating on that memory, while consciously and deliberately repeating what Brad says, making the mindful decision to let it go, you will feel something shift inside of you. Repeat as many times as you need it, listen to yourself, and repeat with each and every old person/resentment. Keep drinking water (it’s a physical cleaning action that helps in this emotional process!).
There was a point, when I was doing this, where I suddenly let out a sob and I started crying. I chose my elementary school bullies to go first. I’ve been holding on for so long to the awful things that some kids in elementary school told me, that my self-esteem became crippled since, that I couldn’t bump into them or look at a photo of them or even think of them without having my blood boil with a desire to hurt them bad, and I have spent years resisting to express my full, beautiful potential because of what a bunch of prepubescent boys said to me more than 10 years ago. And now I am committing to finally letting the anger go once and for all. Just like you are going to find that some things are easier to let go, while others that a little more effort, you are still going to manage to free yourself from the chains of resentment.
I trust that you’ll find this post helpful and that you’ll eventually be able to free yourself from those grudges you picked up in your past. The past is gone, baby. You’re doing great.
Bonus: Check out these additional tips to forgive people; I like to apply these on the go!
Have a great day!